Thursday, April 15, 2010

REAL ARTICLE

Computers Purify Water

A new computer chip has been proven to clean and refresh water. Like a computer, it has a magnetic field, but this magnet attracts bacteria and other fatal substances, and killing them. The chip is so small and transportable that it can practically be brought and put anywhere. The purifier is the size of a postage stamp, and when waterproof, clear and see-through. The purifier can purify a swimming pool as fast as a Brita filter can filter a few cups of water. When the computer chip was tested in North Atlantic sea waters and 99 percent of the bacteria and contaminants in the water were killed and removed. This chip might be the solution to all the dirty water in the world, stopping global thirst, but to do that, the chips would have to be mass produced, and these aren’t expensive, but it still costs money. The chip can also remove clogs in water systems, such as waste pipes.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Real article

War Peppers

India’s military is using a new type of weapon. Not a bomb, not explosives, but a simple vegetable: the pepper. Not just any pepper though, the “bhut jolokia”, the hottest pepper in the history of anything. The pepper is so strong it can paralyze a target, and can be used as tear gas. The pepper is extremely similar to a grenade, you can burn it, and anyone that breathes the smokes lungs, mouth, flesh and anything else that comes into contact will burn, you can squirt the juice into the victim, burning them and having a chance of putting them into shock and paralyzing them. This pepper is extremely hot. Scoville units, the unit used to measure spice are used for this as well. Tabasco sauce, one of the hottest sauces known to man, something that burns and makes you cry just with a drop. Tabasco has 2,500-5,000 Scoville units. The bhut jolokia has 1,000,000 Scoville units. 1,000,000. That’s about 400 times hotter than Tabasco sauce. The pepper can be used just like any other gas or poison, if targets are holed into a cave or building, throw a burning one of these and that’s it. This pepper might even change the strategy of breaching a building altogether.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

New article....REAL@!@@@#!|#!#@#@

FIGHT FIRE WITH FIRE

Well, kind of. But it’s recently been proven that controlled, specific fires can reduce greenhouse gasses. This technique reduces carbon dioxide by 18 to 25 percent and in some forests, it can burn and get rid of 60 percent of the carbon dioxide in that area. Now this makes you think: how on earth did they discover this? Well, satellite images showed decreasing carbon dioxide in controlled fire areas. These fires also help plant new forests, making a new healthier planet, and the decreased carbon dioxide levels decrease the chances of forest fires. This research caused controversy, because some scientists say this proves global warming is caused by us, because we burn fuel and not wood, explaining why the middle ages were much colder than present earth, because we industrially and mass burn oil and fossil fuels. Other scientists just say that climate change exists and this means nothing. On the lighter side, the government could save 1.2 billion dollars on trying to stop fires, which they would no longer need to do. This technique is still being research if it can be mass done.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

New article......and its REAL!

Zombies?

New studies show that cryonically frozen corpses ay have a chance of coming back to life. The scientists think they can achieve this with “nano-robots.” Nano-robots? Some scientists think this is just fake and imagination but scientists at the Alcor Life Foundation think otherwise. They think that they can clone a cell from the corpse and make a robotic clone from that cloned cell. Cloning a clone sounds ridiculous, but you won’t be laughing when Walt Disney is writing the next Pixar movie. You might be thinking that you can come back to life when you’re dead, but think again. It costs $80,000 to freeze just your head alone, and thousands more to freeze your entire corpse. The process of the resurrection would be
1. Take Body Out Of Cryo
2. Install “Nanobots”
3. Wait for body to thaw
4. Let “Nanobots” fix and replace deteriorated cells, tissue and brain
5. Hope it works
If the process succeeds as planned, the resurrected person would live longer and healthier than the past life, now that’s what I call a good afterlife. This technology is expected to be tested around 2050 at the least, and use hundreds of millions of dollars. Want to know where your taxes are going? Well there’s your answer.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

REAL ARTICLE

Man Goes Cross Country with Elvis Passport

Do you think that after the Christmas Bomber that the Amsterdam Airport would be safe and secure? You’re wrong. A man got through with an Elvis Presley passport. It was an E-passport, but it still was Elvis Presley. Adam Laurie, the man in charge of the security says it was a ‘test’ but with the low security ratings and criticism about it, no one can be sure. The passport did pass through the automated passport machines. Amsterdam Airport wanted to make their airport high tech and iconic, but ever since this ‘upgrade’ security seems to of gone way down. This Elvis passport shows that anyone can hack an e-passport, and that asks the question, “is this e-passport necessary?” The Elvis Passport case is still under investigation.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

APRIL FOOLS 3----EDITED

New Ketchup Product Revealed---Tomatoes Revolt!

The new product: Ketch-A-Hoy, is a new ketchup product that uses twice as many tomatoes as regular ketchup. Now, tomatoes are terrified, running away, even fighting back. Bobby Bobs, was the most recent victim of this attack. “They nibbled my arm off, and ate my toes.” He says.
Inst-ant Jello, the another victim says “They stole my dog, and they ate my bladder.” The tomato leader, Joe Heinz, says “These people have no right to slaughter us vegetables, and we won’t take this. We will fight them on the beaches, we will fight them on the landing grounds, AND in the fields. We will NEVER surrender!” Joe Heinz is currently being sued by Winston Churchill for that speech. But that sue-worthy speech did inspire the tomatoes to fight humans on the beaches, landing grounds and fields. Darth Vader was inspired by these tomatoes. “I think *wooshy breath* that the *wooshy breath* tomatoes deserve a better *wooshy breath* lifestyle than being *wooshy breath*slaughtered by ketchup.” Currently, the tomatoes are still in revolt, and tomato hunters are still mysteriously disappearing. Joe Heinz is still in court.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

ApRiL FoOl aRtIcLe nUmBeR tWo

Donkey’s Shrinking!

As of February, donkeys have been losing considerable body weight and size. These effects have been occurring all over the planet, to all donkeys of all types, colors, shapes, and sizes. Travel and trade in the middle-east has been rapidly declining, due to the donkey’s smaller sizes and less strength. Caravans have stopped, and water supply is dying out in the dryer areas. The middle-east is suffering the most from this odd event, due to their main source of transport being a donkey. Dr. Austin Austin thinks that this is ‘shrinkage’ is good. “Death’s from donkeys in the middle-east are declining,” he says. “It’s more dangerous to die riding a donkey then flying on a plane. Maybe this donkey decline is to our advantage.” Dr. Jone Jones disagrees.
“I think donkeys are an essential part to the economy, Maybe not to us for now, but if the middle east declines, we will go to help. People will be dying, and they’ll need our support. And if we don’t support, we’ll have a lot of trouble.” That was the last we heard of both the doctors, they might of died riding their donkeys back home.
Also in the Middle East, the larger, more able donkeys are being stolen, considering their capabilities of actually moving stuff. Many donkeys are in quarantine for research, and the results are astounding. Apparently, donkeys are being mutated into “Baby Donkeys.” The same incidents happened to baby carrots, baby corn, and smurfs. The cause of this is still under investigation.

PICTURES TO THE RIGHT AT THE TOP FOR THE ARTICLE--------->