April Fools Article #1

Potato Brutally Attacked

Nelson Hernandez, a normal 8th grader, went half insane and took his anger out on a normal, average spud. French Fry, the neighbor of this potato heard the sounds. “It was like listening to a deep fryer at McDonalds,” he said.
“I’ve never heard something pounded and fried as loud as that.” It all happened late Sunday morning when Nelson was taking a walk in the park, and he saw Brent Hall, and got extremely angry. He went to the nearest Spud-hood, and broke into the closest house. Apparently, he went into the kitchen, and stole all the butter he could take. Before he left the house, one of the potatoes spotted him. He quickly beat the potato with one of the sticks of butter, knocking it unconscious. He then threw it in the deep fryer and left. Luckily, about 2 minutes later, Big Daddy Spud saw him, and broke into the house, and got the potato out of the fryer. The potato is in hospital currently, and things aren’t looking too good. “He’s got greased,” Dr.Potato-Salad says. “If he makes it, he’ll be greasy the rest of his life.” When we heard this, we decided to ask people in the neighborhood if he will make it. The first potato we asked was SpudMan. He said, “Oh Yeah! Of course he’ll make it. As long as he drinks Spud Lite, he’ll be INCREDIBLE!” The next spud was Mrs.SpudderWorths. “As long as he stays sweet, he’ll be fine. Extra thick too!” After the interviews, we wanted to see the situation with Nelson Hernandez, global threat to potato safety. We went to the local, farm-fresh prison. Nelson was there, in his cell. We were able to go in there and interview him. “Why’d you do it?” we asked.
“When I see Brent’s face, it makes me hungry…….for butter.” That’s all we needed. Nelson Hernandez has eaten 20 pounds of butter every day ever since he’s been imprisoned. He had a heart attack. He is now dead.

Article 6

CYBER TERRORISM

Apparently in Iran, there is a “Cyber Army” taking out large sites to create terror. In December, if you noticed twitter being offline, these terrorists caused that. Now in China, Baidu, China’s largest search engine was shut down for 4 hours Tuesday. These hackers have also hit Facebook, MySpace, and have threatened Google. These hackers haven’t been tracked, and the only thing known about them is that they are in Iran and are terrorists. Baidu is larger then Google in terms of visits-a-day, probably because China has about 3x as many people than America, and Google isn’t often used if used at all in China. These terrorists are regarded as a threat and have not been found.

ARTICLE

Cell Phones Protect From Alzheimer’s

Over the years scientists have been pounding the “Cell Phone” for years- brain tumors, radiation all that stuff. But finally, something positive about cell phones: they can prevent Alzheimer’s. Florida scientists tested this on mice with successful results. The mice were on the phone for 2 hours a day for 7-9 months-which isn’t hard for a teenager. As the mice aged their memory remained intact while the non-cell-phoned mice were starting to get dementia. But humans are different from mice, so humans might need even 2 hours a day for years. Rebecca Wood, one of the scientists involved in the project says “We don't recommend spending 24 hours a day on a mobile phone – “We don't know the long-term effects, and bills could go through the roof.” The mice digestion was normal and had no side effects and the scientists predict the same for humans. The scientists don’t know yet if cell phones can remove Alzheimer’s, but for now, they know they can remove it.