April Fools Article #1

Potato Brutally Attacked

Nelson Hernandez, a normal 8th grader, went half insane and took his anger out on a normal, average spud. French Fry, the neighbor of this potato heard the sounds. “It was like listening to a deep fryer at McDonalds,” he said.
“I’ve never heard something pounded and fried as loud as that.” It all happened late Sunday morning when Nelson was taking a walk in the park, and he saw Brent Hall, and got extremely angry. He went to the nearest Spud-hood, and broke into the closest house. Apparently, he went into the kitchen, and stole all the butter he could take. Before he left the house, one of the potatoes spotted him. He quickly beat the potato with one of the sticks of butter, knocking it unconscious. He then threw it in the deep fryer and left. Luckily, about 2 minutes later, Big Daddy Spud saw him, and broke into the house, and got the potato out of the fryer. The potato is in hospital currently, and things aren’t looking too good. “He’s got greased,” Dr.Potato-Salad says. “If he makes it, he’ll be greasy the rest of his life.” When we heard this, we decided to ask people in the neighborhood if he will make it. The first potato we asked was SpudMan. He said, “Oh Yeah! Of course he’ll make it. As long as he drinks Spud Lite, he’ll be INCREDIBLE!” The next spud was Mrs.SpudderWorths. “As long as he stays sweet, he’ll be fine. Extra thick too!” After the interviews, we wanted to see the situation with Nelson Hernandez, global threat to potato safety. We went to the local, farm-fresh prison. Nelson was there, in his cell. We were able to go in there and interview him. “Why’d you do it?” we asked.
“When I see Brent’s face, it makes me hungry…….for butter.” That’s all we needed. Nelson Hernandez has eaten 20 pounds of butter every day ever since he’s been imprisoned. He had a heart attack. He is now dead.