New Ketchup Product Revealed---Tomatoes Revolt!
The new product: Ketch-A-Hoy, is a new ketchup product that uses twice as many tomatoes as regular ketchup. Now, tomatoes are terrified, running away, even fighting back. Bobby Bobs, was the most recent victim of this attack. “They nibbled my arm off, and ate my toes.” He says.
Inst-ant Jello, the another victim says “They stole my dog, and they ate my bladder.” The tomato leader, Joe Heinz, says “These people have no right to slaughter us vegetables, and we won’t take this. We will fight them on the beaches, we will fight them on the landing grounds, AND in the fields. We will NEVER surrender!” Joe Heinz is currently being sued by Winston Churchill for that speech. But that sue-worthy speech did inspire the tomatoes to fight humans on the beaches, landing grounds and fields. Darth Vader was inspired by these tomatoes. “I think *wooshy breath* that the *wooshy breath* tomatoes deserve a better *wooshy breath* lifestyle than being *wooshy breath*slaughtered by ketchup.” Currently, the tomatoes are still in revolt, and tomato hunters are still mysteriously disappearing. Joe Heinz is still in court.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Thursday, February 4, 2010
ApRiL FoOl aRtIcLe nUmBeR tWo
Donkey’s Shrinking!
As of February, donkeys have been losing considerable body weight and size. These effects have been occurring all over the planet, to all donkeys of all types, colors, shapes, and sizes. Travel and trade in the middle-east has been rapidly declining, due to the donkey’s smaller sizes and less strength. Caravans have stopped, and water supply is dying out in the dryer areas. The middle-east is suffering the most from this odd event, due to their main source of transport being a donkey. Dr. Austin Austin thinks that this is ‘shrinkage’ is good. “Death’s from donkeys in the middle-east are declining,” he says. “It’s more dangerous to die riding a donkey then flying on a plane. Maybe this donkey decline is to our advantage.” Dr. Jone Jones disagrees.
“I think donkeys are an essential part to the economy, Maybe not to us for now, but if the middle east declines, we will go to help. People will be dying, and they’ll need our support. And if we don’t support, we’ll have a lot of trouble.” That was the last we heard of both the doctors, they might of died riding their donkeys back home.
Also in the Middle East, the larger, more able donkeys are being stolen, considering their capabilities of actually moving stuff. Many donkeys are in quarantine for research, and the results are astounding. Apparently, donkeys are being mutated into “Baby Donkeys.” The same incidents happened to baby carrots, baby corn, and smurfs. The cause of this is still under investigation.
PICTURES TO THE RIGHT AT THE TOP FOR THE ARTICLE--------->
As of February, donkeys have been losing considerable body weight and size. These effects have been occurring all over the planet, to all donkeys of all types, colors, shapes, and sizes. Travel and trade in the middle-east has been rapidly declining, due to the donkey’s smaller sizes and less strength. Caravans have stopped, and water supply is dying out in the dryer areas. The middle-east is suffering the most from this odd event, due to their main source of transport being a donkey. Dr. Austin Austin thinks that this is ‘shrinkage’ is good. “Death’s from donkeys in the middle-east are declining,” he says. “It’s more dangerous to die riding a donkey then flying on a plane. Maybe this donkey decline is to our advantage.” Dr. Jone Jones disagrees.
“I think donkeys are an essential part to the economy, Maybe not to us for now, but if the middle east declines, we will go to help. People will be dying, and they’ll need our support. And if we don’t support, we’ll have a lot of trouble.” That was the last we heard of both the doctors, they might of died riding their donkeys back home.
Also in the Middle East, the larger, more able donkeys are being stolen, considering their capabilities of actually moving stuff. Many donkeys are in quarantine for research, and the results are astounding. Apparently, donkeys are being mutated into “Baby Donkeys.” The same incidents happened to baby carrots, baby corn, and smurfs. The cause of this is still under investigation.
PICTURES TO THE RIGHT AT THE TOP FOR THE ARTICLE--------->
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
April Fools Article #1
Potato Brutally Attacked
Nelson Hernandez, a normal 8th grader, went half insane and took his anger out on a normal, average spud. French Fry, the neighbor of this potato heard the sounds. “It was like listening to a deep fryer at McDonalds,” he said.
“I’ve never heard something pounded and fried as loud as that.” It all happened late Sunday morning when Nelson was taking a walk in the park, and he saw Brent Hall, and got extremely angry. He went to the nearest Spud-hood, and broke into the closest house. Apparently, he went into the kitchen, and stole all the butter he could take. Before he left the house, one of the potatoes spotted him. He quickly beat the potato with one of the sticks of butter, knocking it unconscious. He then threw it in the deep fryer and left. Luckily, about 2 minutes later, Big Daddy Spud saw him, and broke into the house, and got the potato out of the fryer. The potato is in hospital currently, and things aren’t looking too good. “He’s got greased,” Dr.Potato-Salad says. “If he makes it, he’ll be greasy the rest of his life.” When we heard this, we decided to ask people in the neighborhood if he will make it. The first potato we asked was SpudMan. He said, “Oh Yeah! Of course he’ll make it. As long as he drinks Spud Lite, he’ll be INCREDIBLE!” The next spud was Mrs.SpudderWorths. “As long as he stays sweet, he’ll be fine. Extra thick too!” After the interviews, we wanted to see the situation with Nelson Hernandez, global threat to potato safety. We went to the local, farm-fresh prison. Nelson was there, in his cell. We were able to go in there and interview him. “Why’d you do it?” we asked.
“When I see Brent’s face, it makes me hungry…….for butter.” That’s all we needed. Nelson Hernandez has eaten 20 pounds of butter every day ever since he’s been imprisoned. He had a heart attack. He is now dead.
Nelson Hernandez, a normal 8th grader, went half insane and took his anger out on a normal, average spud. French Fry, the neighbor of this potato heard the sounds. “It was like listening to a deep fryer at McDonalds,” he said.
“I’ve never heard something pounded and fried as loud as that.” It all happened late Sunday morning when Nelson was taking a walk in the park, and he saw Brent Hall, and got extremely angry. He went to the nearest Spud-hood, and broke into the closest house. Apparently, he went into the kitchen, and stole all the butter he could take. Before he left the house, one of the potatoes spotted him. He quickly beat the potato with one of the sticks of butter, knocking it unconscious. He then threw it in the deep fryer and left. Luckily, about 2 minutes later, Big Daddy Spud saw him, and broke into the house, and got the potato out of the fryer. The potato is in hospital currently, and things aren’t looking too good. “He’s got greased,” Dr.Potato-Salad says. “If he makes it, he’ll be greasy the rest of his life.” When we heard this, we decided to ask people in the neighborhood if he will make it. The first potato we asked was SpudMan. He said, “Oh Yeah! Of course he’ll make it. As long as he drinks Spud Lite, he’ll be INCREDIBLE!” The next spud was Mrs.SpudderWorths. “As long as he stays sweet, he’ll be fine. Extra thick too!” After the interviews, we wanted to see the situation with Nelson Hernandez, global threat to potato safety. We went to the local, farm-fresh prison. Nelson was there, in his cell. We were able to go in there and interview him. “Why’d you do it?” we asked.
“When I see Brent’s face, it makes me hungry…….for butter.” That’s all we needed. Nelson Hernandez has eaten 20 pounds of butter every day ever since he’s been imprisoned. He had a heart attack. He is now dead.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Article 6
CYBER TERRORISM
Apparently in Iran, there is a “Cyber Army” taking out large sites to create terror. In December, if you noticed twitter being offline, these terrorists caused that. Now in China, Baidu, China’s largest search engine was shut down for 4 hours Tuesday. These hackers have also hit Facebook, MySpace, and have threatened Google. These hackers haven’t been tracked, and the only thing known about them is that they are in Iran and are terrorists. Baidu is larger then Google in terms of visits-a-day, probably because China has about 3x as many people than America, and Google isn’t often used if used at all in China. These terrorists are regarded as a threat and have not been found.
Apparently in Iran, there is a “Cyber Army” taking out large sites to create terror. In December, if you noticed twitter being offline, these terrorists caused that. Now in China, Baidu, China’s largest search engine was shut down for 4 hours Tuesday. These hackers have also hit Facebook, MySpace, and have threatened Google. These hackers haven’t been tracked, and the only thing known about them is that they are in Iran and are terrorists. Baidu is larger then Google in terms of visits-a-day, probably because China has about 3x as many people than America, and Google isn’t often used if used at all in China. These terrorists are regarded as a threat and have not been found.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
ARTICLE
Cell Phones Protect From Alzheimer’s
Over the years scientists have been pounding the “Cell Phone” for years- brain tumors, radiation all that stuff. But finally, something positive about cell phones: they can prevent Alzheimer’s. Florida scientists tested this on mice with successful results. The mice were on the phone for 2 hours a day for 7-9 months-which isn’t hard for a teenager. As the mice aged their memory remained intact while the non-cell-phoned mice were starting to get dementia. But humans are different from mice, so humans might need even 2 hours a day for years. Rebecca Wood, one of the scientists involved in the project says “We don't recommend spending 24 hours a day on a mobile phone – “We don't know the long-term effects, and bills could go through the roof.” The mice digestion was normal and had no side effects and the scientists predict the same for humans. The scientists don’t know yet if cell phones can remove Alzheimer’s, but for now, they know they can remove it.
Over the years scientists have been pounding the “Cell Phone” for years- brain tumors, radiation all that stuff. But finally, something positive about cell phones: they can prevent Alzheimer’s. Florida scientists tested this on mice with successful results. The mice were on the phone for 2 hours a day for 7-9 months-which isn’t hard for a teenager. As the mice aged their memory remained intact while the non-cell-phoned mice were starting to get dementia. But humans are different from mice, so humans might need even 2 hours a day for years. Rebecca Wood, one of the scientists involved in the project says “We don't recommend spending 24 hours a day on a mobile phone – “We don't know the long-term effects, and bills could go through the roof.” The mice digestion was normal and had no side effects and the scientists predict the same for humans. The scientists don’t know yet if cell phones can remove Alzheimer’s, but for now, they know they can remove it.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
articleeeee
WORLDS OLDEST DNA DISCOVERED!
Recently, scientists have discovered 419 million year old DNA from a
salt loving bacteria. These salt loving bacteria could be relatives of the first
life forms on Earth. Scientists previously discovered similar DNA at the Michigan
Basin, the same area where the DNA was discovered currently. In Canada, six other
segments of the same DNA were found, proving that this organism was not only in one
area. The organism could have been spread across the entire planet for all we know,
but more research is needed to come to any conclusion. No DNA has been discovered
from any earlier point in the Earths history. This might be the earliest life
form the Earth has ever discovered, but we can’t be sure yet. This is still being
researched.
Recently, scientists have discovered 419 million year old DNA from a
salt loving bacteria. These salt loving bacteria could be relatives of the first
life forms on Earth. Scientists previously discovered similar DNA at the Michigan
Basin, the same area where the DNA was discovered currently. In Canada, six other
segments of the same DNA were found, proving that this organism was not only in one
area. The organism could have been spread across the entire planet for all we know,
but more research is needed to come to any conclusion. No DNA has been discovered
from any earlier point in the Earths history. This might be the earliest life
form the Earth has ever discovered, but we can’t be sure yet. This is still being
researched.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Article
Christmas Magma
Manila, Philippines had an early Christmas present from mother Earth: ASH AND MAGMA. On December 15, the Philippines most active volcano erupted, thus evacuating 20,000 people from their homes. They were evacuated 210 miles away from the location of the eruption. That same volcano erupted in 2006, thus evacuating 30,000. And in 1993, it erupted too, killing 79 people. Some people refused to leave because they have already adjusted to the eruptions. “We’re not really alarmed,” Opiana, 66, claims. The volcano’s eruption is not the most serious eruption, the most serious being in 1814, killing over 1,200 people. The people are still in evacuation.
Manila, Philippines had an early Christmas present from mother Earth: ASH AND MAGMA. On December 15, the Philippines most active volcano erupted, thus evacuating 20,000 people from their homes. They were evacuated 210 miles away from the location of the eruption. That same volcano erupted in 2006, thus evacuating 30,000. And in 1993, it erupted too, killing 79 people. Some people refused to leave because they have already adjusted to the eruptions. “We’re not really alarmed,” Opiana, 66, claims. The volcano’s eruption is not the most serious eruption, the most serious being in 1814, killing over 1,200 people. The people are still in evacuation.
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